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A college application essay - An example

In previous lessons we shared some ideas on how to get started in writing your college admission essay. Have a look at these lessons "Writing Your College Application Essay" introduction, part 1, part 2 and part 3, if you haven't already done so. Now we would like to provide you with an example how you could write your application essay. At the end you will also find a review with some comments.


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COLLEGE APPLICATION ESSAY

for a Nursing College

At the time I first considered studying for college to better my life and my son's, I thought it would be a herculean endeavor. As a single father, I was holding a job at a convenience store. I wanted more out of life, more than running a thousand credit cards at our machine. To leave familiar territory in life can sometimes be the most difficult choice, fact is- my employers were fair and well-meaning, but I had to leave. I thought of taking it one semester at a time, and in my first semester at a local college, I landed on the Dean's list.

Without meaning to brag, it was one feat I would always be proud of, and it set me off to formulate far-reaching goals in my life. I finished my Associate's of Science degree, and I have stayed on the Dean's roster all throughout, but not without a great deal of sweat and blood.

I have many friends in the medical field- nurses and doctors- and I've had lots of conversations with them in social and casual encounters. I also read a lot of books (fiction and medical-related books). From all this, I have discovered that my interest in the workings of the human body is no ordinary passion. It is the kind of interest that consumes one's soul, my soul in this case.

At present, I am going to my next step, by pursuing a nursing degree at the ____________ University, College of Nursing. My objective when I finish this course is to help the lower-income entities. By nature, I am a compassionate individual, and from my experiences, I could easily establish rapport with the more needy families and persons.

The commitment to excellence is a mindset I've imbibed and I am confident that if accepted, I could acquire a very good GPA, with all the skills necessary to become a more-than-competent nurse. It is a great relief that I now have a calling, having searched for it for some time. I anticipate the initial years to be hard, forcing me to exhibit good time-managing skills. However, if you have done something before, you can do it again- that is one of my life's principles.

I realize fully well that my time in school would take away time from my child, but at the end of the day, the sacrifices will be all worth it. My son is still young, and while he may not be able to appreciate the hardships, time will come (I am sure) when he would realize that my sacrifices are all for him and his well-being.

Thank you for the consideration, Godspeed.

Reference: http://www.samplecollegeadmissionessays.com/sample-admission-essay-for-nursing-college/

MY PERSONAL REVIEW:

In this particular essay the initial statement of the author grabs the attention of the reader immediately. In this case he is not just any other applicant but he is a single father looking after a young son that in itself differentiates this essay from many others that the university might receive. So it is very important, that the introduction to your essay should set you apart from other applicants and makes the reader interested in reading what you have to say.

A good essay should have a common thread running through it. It might be that you are talking about various aspects of your life but don't forget what is the core message you are trying to convey to the reader. In this case the author is trying to convey that he didn't have an easy life. He has persevered through his difficulties and has tried to achieve a higher standing in his life doing all this while looking after his son.

Another important factor that contributes towards a good essay is a strong focus on one's abilities. Don't forget that at the end of the day an essay is all about selling yourself to the University. It requires that you are aware of your own abilities and are able to articulate them well enough to make them shine. In this case, the author talks about being on the Dean's list not only just once but throughout his Associate's degree.

It is important for you to explain why you are passionate about your chosen field. In this particular case the author discusses some real life experiences that he has had previously and in what way they have influenced him. If you look at the example above you see that the author has many friends in the nursing field and has read many books on the subject which helped him to realize how passionate he is about this subject.

Honesty should be a cornerstone of a good essay. It is your responsibility as an author to be truthful to yourself and to not deceive the reader. Many people write essays that are not genuine and university admission officers have an uncanny ability to see through them. Reading the essay above one gets a feeling that the author is sharing with the reader his real hardships and how he overcame them.

Make sure that you make clear to the reader what your goals and aspirations are. Discuss what you would like to do after you have finished your course and how it would make a difference in your life or in other people's lives. In the above case the author talks about how he would help the less privileged people after having completed his studies. This also gives us a sense that this particular individual aspires to do good for the needy in our society which is a worthwhile endeavor, and any university would be more than happy to support such an individual.

Forming an emotional connection with the reader would set your essay apart and guarantee you a head start. In this case, the author talks about having to make sacrifices in order to give his son a better life in the future.

Slight critique: The author of this particular essay could have given a bit more background information regarding his childhood aspirations and education. When writing an essay one should be aware that there has to be a fine balance between factual and emotive topics. In this particular case the author has slightly veered towards the emotional side in certain sections of the essay, but on the whole the essay comes across as well-balanced.

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